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Title Ensign
Rating G
Word Count 774
Characters/Pairing (if any) Diana Seelix
Written for frak_that prompt- Aboard Galactica (Officers' Head)

Diana grinds her thighs together, her hands clasped together in front of her hips like it would do any good.


She really has to pee.

For all the times she’s seen a pilot stepping out of the cockpit, face flushed red, sweat flowing, she’d never really stopped to wonder just how sticky and overheated they got in those flight suits. And thirsty. Really, really thirsty.

The tingle of needing to use the head had started when she was packing up her belongings. She probably should have just gone then, but was so caught up in the congratulations (and one comment from Figurski about how no one was going to fold his underwear as well as she did, which earned him an elbow to the gut) that it slipped her mind.

After she folded up the orange jumpsuit she would never wear again and set it neatly in the corner of her duffle bag, she threw the bag over her shoulder, cast one last look around her old quarters and marched out into the corridor. She became aware of the full feeling in her lower abdomen as she passed the enlisted head, but was caught off guard by Cally profusely apologizing for missing the earlier farewell.

“I’m not going very far,” she’d said with a shake of her head. “I’ll still see you on the hangar deck.”

“Yeah,” Cally’d replied, “but now you’ll be on the other side of the windscreen.”

Cally walked with her most of the way to the pilots’ quarters but broke off with a salute and a grin. “I’ll see you later, Ensign. There’s someone who needs a bottle at 1815.”

It wasn’t until she was hanging up her new (new to her, there were never any new uniforms anymore) duty blues that she became acutely aware that her bladder was near to bursting.

Which leads to now. Diana Seelix. Standing outside the officers’ head, wriggling like a barely potty-trained toddler outside the hatch.

What’s the big deal? She is an officer now and she has the pips to prove it. She studied her ass off for the written exam, and already faced the wrath of Starbuck on her very first day and she knows she damned well deserves this. But here she is and every time she reaches for the hatch, she draws her hand back, because-

Hey, knuckledragger! You lost or something?

The words are followed by a chorus of laughter. It’s a nondescript voice, but she isn’t surprised, the voice doesn’t even exist. It’s a figment of her imagination and godsdamnit why did her imagination have to be so loud?! She’s pretty sure she’s starting to lose control and is going to need a clean pair of panties pretty soon, so she spins open the hatch and makes a bee line for the first empty stall—because the only way she could make more of an idiot out of herself standing outside the officers’ head would be wetting herself while standing outside the officers’ head.

When she’s tugged up her pants again and flushed the toilet, she steels herself for gawking eyes when she pushes the door open. There aren’t any. Just pilots (fellow pilots she tells herself) stepping into the shower, brushing their teeth, washing their hands. It’s not that different from the enlisted head, maybe a little bit nicer, she thinks as she sidles up to the sink.

As she turns on the water, she hears a voice next to her. “Hey, Sheelicksh.” The voice is muffled. Turning, Diana sees Hot Dog standing at the sink beside her, scrubbing away with his toothbrush. He spits out a mouthful of mint and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “Make it through your first day alright?”

She gives a sharp nod as she scrubs at her hands. “Yeah. Starbuck didn’t take my head off, so it definitely could have been worse.” She goes to dry her hands on her pants, the way she used to wipe grease off onto her jumpsuit, but he holds out his towel for her.

“Well she didn’t fail you on your first day. You’re already doing better than me.”

She smiles as she hands the towel back. He heads for the hatch and she follows. On the other side, Helo opens the hatch and holds it open for the two of them. He nods in a pleasant greeting before he slips inside and shuts the door behind him.

Seelix digs her hands into her pockets with a bit of a grin on her face. Hot Dog nudges her elbow with his. “So, did she make you call her ‘God’ yet?”


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 12th, 2009 05:08 pm (UTC)
Nice ficlet. You capture Seelix's hesitation in a very believable way. This reminds me of when I used to like Seelix. You know, before she became part of the mutiny :P
Apr. 27th, 2010 11:56 pm (UTC)
I could've sworn I commented on this. Oops. Anyway, I like this--nice glimpse of that transition from the repair crew to a pilot.
May. 2nd, 2010 09:47 pm (UTC)
It was definitely a new thing to tackle... I really enjoyed writing it. Glad you enjoyed reading!
May. 9th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC)
A bit late with the commenting here, but I really like this- it feels like an outtake from the actual script, you do such a great job of portraying Seelix's hesitation and the way she would probably start out as a rook.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )